we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
