A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
