ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
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