I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i think i have two assholes
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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