When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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