Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
i believe in u and ur pee
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
