I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize