well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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