I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize