God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
