you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
50% drunk capacity currently
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
