Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
just found out that she named her cat after me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
