i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
