I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
