ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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