i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
