but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
