i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
