My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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