I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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