Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
