I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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