other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
