Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
