This girl is more easily done than said...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
