Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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