8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
