ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
