I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
