I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
