It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
