Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
