3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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