You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
The beer is more important than you right now.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
