i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
