I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
