ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Reggie can tackle my bush.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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