Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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