sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
