new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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