Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Found your dick twin last night
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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