sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
