was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
