just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
