My sheets look like a crime scene.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just found a bag of teeth...
We talked him into tasing himself.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize