At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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