I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
