Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
