Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
