Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
