she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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