it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Can you bring me the toilet please
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
