great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
