why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
