I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
