You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize