My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
