Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
