I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
