only you would photoshop your dick
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I didn't notice because vodka
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
