What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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