Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You were trust falling into bushes
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
