he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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