I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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