Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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