You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
