ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
