If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
