Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
