I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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