just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize