Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
