Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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