I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
