you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
