get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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