my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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