sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
No more Irish car bombs ever.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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