Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize