Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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