5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
