I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
