totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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