cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
worst night to have a conscience
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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