Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
