All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
well I can't set my house on fire every night
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize