i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You have to summon your inner elephant
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
