There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
MIDGETS
????
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
