My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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