girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
