guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
organizing the empties. That sober.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
