Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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