he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
