so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
