can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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