I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
