Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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